“I’ve been a quitter my whole life,” to quote an amazing woman I know. (LOL, I’m quoting myself. It’s from my last post, in case you missed it.) I don’t think anyone can really be called a quitter. You can quit certain things, or have a pattern of quitting on certain things (namely the areas of struggle) but a total and complete quitter. Mmmm…Not likely. In my last post I talked about having a pattern of quitting and how when I got saved (became a born again Christian) my spiritual life changed because I had reached a point of no return. This pivotal point in any area of life, is why I think that having a pattern of quitting, doesn’t make you a quitter.
My area of struggle has been my weight. I’ve tried and quit a lot of things to lose weight. Let’s look at some of my past attempts, shall we:
- Diets named after locations (without the exercise component) 🗸
- Diets named after “doctors” (without the exercise component) 🗸
- Exercise routines (without the nutritional component) 🗸
- Pills (that should never have been invented) 🗸
- Shakes (that encourage you to only eat once per day) 🗸
- Intermittent starving (not to be confused with fasting) 🗸
- Group Counseling Meetings (that focus mainly on calories, not nutrition) 🗸
- Individual “Counseling” programs (that make you take their supplements) 🗸
You get the point. It’s A LOT! Frankly, to look at that list makes me sad. How broken was I to have done all of that? My reasons? Well, those were as follows:
- To attain the approval of others, who made me feel like I would only get that approval, if I lost the weight because, “I had such a pretty face.” (Which, by the way, is a very hurtful things you can say to a person. Albeit well intentioned.)
- To be a “trophy wife.” (To clarify, my husband, who is also my BFF, was always proud to show me off and tells me I’m hot all the time. In my own head, though, I was an embarrassment.)
- So my kids would be proud of me. (Not that they weren’t, but again, in my own head…)
- So that my weight would not be the reason, I didn’t get any acting part I went after. (Ok…now, there’s some merit to this one but…not much because there are plenty of amazing
plus sizeactresses who are not a size zero.)
While I could go on, I won’t. Do you see a pattern to my reasons? They all revolved around someone else. What?! That’s crazy! It’s not their body! It’s MINE!
I tried so many things, and none of them “worked.” I’d try and quit. I’d try again, and quit again. This went on for way too many years. How come none of them worked? They seemed to work for other people. Why not me? I’ll tell you why…because of my reasons. My “why” wasn’t good enough, for me. For something to work, your reason has to be good enough. Why don’t we just walk into traffic any time we feel like it? Because we don’t want to get hit by a car. That’s a good enough reason. Why don’t we stick our hands into fire? Because we don’t want to get burned. That’s a good enough reason. To please others…is not a good enough reason, for me. Your “why” needs to be good enough. It needs to be good enough for YOU. While, approval, a husband, kids, or a job may be good enough reasons for some, they weren’t for me. As evidenced by my lack of success. I finally realized my “why.” My why was God! Um…what?! What does that even mean? God has been so amazing in my life, that I want to honor Him with ALL of me. All I am and all I have are because of Him, why wouldn’t I want to honor this temple He’s given me, by taking care of it? If I don’t, I won’t be around long enough to fulfill His purpose in my life.
As I write this, it’s Christmastime and along with that comes parties, treats, etc. Years past I would have thrown caution to the wind, overindulged, and then when (because of my own actions) I gained weight, I would have quit. Not this year! For the first time ever! Sage asked me Why? What was different this year? I told her simply and honestly that quitting was not an option. Because my “why” was beyond good enough for me in my struggle, I finally reached the Point of No Return.
(UPDATE: It’s now four months later, and I’m just now publishing this. Why? Because while I “know” all of this, I have a hard time fully “believing” it. My weight hasn’t changed in four months. Knowing something to be true and believing it are two different things. So, yes, God is still my purpose, wholeheartedly. I’m working on making the connection between my mind, and my heart. Can you relate?)
That’s my story. What’s yours? What areas of struggle in your life need a ”why”? What areas in your life still need to reach the Point of No Return?
Own Your Story 